How To Have The Commitment Talk In A Relationship

By Ayo Al |

Image: Kemi Sogunle

In every relationship that looks like it might be going somewhere there comes a time when you have to define it. This might be difficult, but how else can you be sure that you’re headed in the same direction?



In theory it should be quite simple: ‘Do you want a future with me?’, ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. In reality, it’s a very tough subject to bring up. Your mind is full of questions at this point in your relationship: ‘What if she wants to see other people?’, ‘What if he thinks I’m moving too fast?’ or even ‘Why can’t I just ignore the subject altogether?’


The fact is that there is a point at which you have to have this conversation if you are developing strong feelings for your partner. If they feel the same, you will know you’re on the same page, and if they don’t it will be painful but it’s best to know sooner when you can still cut your losses rather than later.


 So, we’ve put together some tips to help you navigate this tough subject.


1.) Be clear and honest


This is no time for beating around the bush. Don’t try to ease the subject into the conversation by asking roundabout questions like ‘What were you thinking of doing for your holiday next year?’. The simple fact is that if you’re ready to commit to the relationship, you need to be bold to ask the question and get a straight answer. No amount of ignoring will make the situation better so you have to be the mature person and make your move.


2.) Pick your time


This is not a conversation to start as you’re about to walk into a cinema or your favorite hang out spot. It’s also not a good conversation to have at the start of a long car journey. You need to pick a private place, but one that you can both leave separately afterwards to think through what has been said.


3.) Don’t debate the answer


It’s quite possible you won’t get a simple yes or no answer, but if their response is up in the air, this is not the time to try and persuade them either way. If your partner wants to think it over, let them. You telling them how amazing you think you’d be together isn’t going to help matters. Honestly, it’ll make you come across as a bit too desperate.


4.) Don’t demand an answer

Just as we alluded to the point above, any pressure from you won’t come across very well. Putting pressure on your partner may force them into making a rash decision – and the answer may not be what you were hoping for. Leave them to think it over and they’re more likely to come back to you with a positive response.