Image:Blavity

I’m a wedding fanatic, enthusiast, and writer. So hearing about or seeing couples go through divorce makes me want to lock my doors, close my windows, and cry myself to sleep. Okay, that’s probably an overstatement, but I’m sure you get the point. I feel terrible.

So I have decided to write something about dying marriages. In this article, I’m going to offer some advice on how a marriage can be saved, even if one of the partners wants out.

So how do you save a marriage that’s heading dangerously near the edge of a cliff?

Don’t Panic

Allowing yourself to drown in a pool of overwhelming fear isn’t going to help you in any way. To save your marriage, you must learn to remain calm at all times. Anxiety rarely helps us think. And you need your mind and brain to navigate the dangerous waters of a dying marriage.

Do Not Give Up… Yet

This is probably an obvious point, but I’m stating it anyways, so that you don’t ever forget it. You have to be persevere, endure, and be tough in the face of impending failure. The fact that you’re reading this show that you’re not giving up just yet. And that’s good. Oh, don’t get me wrong—a time might come when you might have to move on, but you shouldn’t give up so soon. Many spouses make this mistake.

Own Your Faults

It takes two to build a marriage; it also takes two to ruin one. It’s probably not entirely your fault that your marriage is at the edge of the cliff where it’s now precariously hanging. But because it is you who are interested in saving your marriage, you must assess yourself and consider the bad and hurtful things you’ve said or done in the past. Own them. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and consider their hurts and displeasure. Apologize.

Work on Yourself

Learn to listen to both the spoken and the unspoken messages that your partner is trying to pass across. Find out what changes he/she is desperate for and what his/her desires are. Once you identify these things, be prepared to work on yourself -- pay more attention; listen more; care more; appreciate more; and be more sensitive. If you’ve been having an affair, stop. If you’ve been easily upset and irritated, stop. If you’ve been overly critical, stop.

Stay Positive and Attractive

An impending divorce is not sweet, and staying positive can be difficult. But a negative attitude isn’t going to help you one bit. While embracing positivity, you have to stay physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually attractive. Being the best you have ever been may slowly draw your partner back to you.

Become Your Partner’s Best Friend

If you want to save your marriage, create an atmosphere of warmth, trust, confidence, and reliance in your home. Make your partner see you as his/her best friend. By asking them what their desires are and what they hope to accomplish by the end of the day; by planning their schedules with them; and striving to put a smile on their face, you can slowly draw your partner back to you. When you become your partner’s best friend, you will have unrestricted access to his/her heart, and he/she will trust you more than ever before.

Do Not Cling or Beg

Whatever you do, do not beg or cling. If you have ever seen yourself in the mirror while whining, begging, or falling apart, you’d understand what I’m saying. Begging your partner makes you look unattractive, pathetic, and pitiful. It achieves a negative effect – it will only drive him/her away.  Clinging doesn’t work either. If your partner has made up his/her mind and doesn’t want to talk, your desperate plea wouldn’t make any difference.

Let the Marriage Die

Right. If you have tried everything to save your marriage, and nothing has worked, let the marriage die. Agree with your partner that because both of you are unhappy, the marriage should be over. Let your partner know—in no certain terms—that you want to consider a new marriage with them. This method sounds scary, but it can restart the conversation. Give your partner the opportunity to explore what a fresh, fulfilling, happy marriage would look like.

Dealing with an actual/impending divorce is the worst feeling in the world. After all the glamour, extravagance, and excitement of a wedding ceremony; after swearing publicly to stand by each other till death interferes; and after showing off your love on a grand altar, a divorce is the worst thing that can happen to any couple. It’s an ugly, unpleasant game where everyone loses. I wish you all the best as you fight to save your home. I hope this article helps. My heart is with you.