The key to marital bliss is a hotly debated topic. And there are millions of articles out there stipulating diverse formulas, rules, and principles for a happy marriage. But generally regarded as the greatest key to a happy marriage is the idea wrapped in the phrase ‘happy wife, happy life’.
But is this phrase accurate?
The saying “happy wife, happy life” has been passed around like offering baskets for many centuries and many people believe it to be true. You probably do too. But I make bold to assert that, however intended, this seemingly innocent belief is wrong, harmful, and noxious. In punchier words, the belief is sexist, selfish, and demeaning.
Let me explain: The phrase is sexist since it suggests a level of reality wherein men and women are not on equal footing in love and commitment; the phrase is selfish for the reason that its continued use keeps alive the idea that spouses cannot equally enjoy a world of emotion, love, and pleasure, and that one partner’s needs has to take precedence over the other’s. And the phrase is demeaning because it paints women as overemotional, complicated, and needy.
Are you following the logic?
Before you get confused, let me explain why you should never say “happy wife, happy life” ever again.
Okay, I think it’s a great and noble thing for a man to strive to keep his wife happy and to love her to high heaven and be prepared to walk off the cliff for her, but a man—though he may never show it—wants to be adored and indulged too. Even if that sounds a little off-key to you, it is impossible to dispute the fact that it takes two people to build and maintain a solid and successful relationship, and a marriage where the sole focus is on making the wife happy is a toxic marriage.
More so, the expression “happy wife, happy life” is built on the basic, but faulty assumption that a husband knows exactly what would make her wife happy. Anyone who’s ever been married would realize that it’s practically impossible to always accurately predict what women want. Don’t even get me started on how it’s wrong for a partner to totally rely on the other to make him/her feel happy, validated, or complete.
Again, it’s been proven that men who follow this myth do not behave with authenticity. They relegate their own wishes and desires to the background and they try to avoid conflicts even if it means letting an important issue slide under the carpet. Eventually, they begin to develop thoughts like “Why does she gets everything she wants and I don’t?” In the long run, their resentment and frustration may build; their lives may become miserable; and they may break down in the end.
If you say “happy wife, happy life” again, I will scream! Can we stop with this falsehood already? As brilliant Lady Chatterley asks, “Can’t we accept that in a marriage, a proper, grown up marriage, the happiness of both parties is equally important?” As brilliant me asks, “Isn’t marriage about team work?” and “Shouldn’t the happiness of both partners equally matter?”
Instead of saying “happy wife, happy life”, say “happy spouse, happy house”. Yes, I just coined the word, and No, I do not have copyright over it, so it’s totally cool if you steal it. LOL.
Okay. Bye. Till next time!